Monday, August 29, 2005


waking up late on saturday
feeling like nothing to do
finally I decided to go to Vipasana Graha
on the way to there, some memories appeared
they appeared like a film strip

I'm pussing myself to stop those memories
I keep telling myself, keep trying to say
No use to remember it anymore
better erase it immediately

finally I step my foot on puspa graha
I passed trough the gate
walked along the street
I still remembered there is a basketball court
I still remembered there is a zebra statue

stop for a while, I breath deeply
then I continue to walk

the building I remebered well
the villa I ever stop by and
meeting her's relatives

oh what on earth of my mind......

I pretend nothing happened
but hurt inside my heart still alive

I went to Vipasana in order to help people there
We spent all night to light up the candle
each candle represent my one wish for her
I don't know why I made those wishes
I wish her healthy, happy, stay away from suffering
I wish her always continue her practice training
I wish her always enthusistic on practising bodhisattva way of life
I wish her always have chance to meet her spiritual teacher
I keep continue making a lot of wishes and untill all candle light up
then I dedicate for the sake of her and all sentient beings

late night,
that night rainy cat and dog
after working a whole day...I'm tired
walking slowly to office, straighly to the sofa

cause I'm very tired, so I dind't realize I was already on my sleep
that night was very cold, I can't stand on the cold
usually someone cover me with blanket when I'm cold
but since then, no one care about me anymore

I dreamed about her that night, her appearance was very clear
This is look like a real person, I reach her and
I felt like back to the beginning
back to the first time when we gave our commitment to each other
the cold was unbearable....suddenly I woke up
it was 3 O'clock in the morning

if I can keep that moment forever
I'm willing to stay at my dream and
I wish I won't woke up

but that was a dream, I'm back to reality
I continue my sleeping with an empty hope


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